Why Am I Writing About The Three Rs?
At work, I have a good handle on setting priorities. My life? That’s a different story. It’s not surprising that my inability to prioritize my self-care and create healthy boundaries led to burnout and a severe toll on my mental health. When I was on my leave, I used the time off to engage in self-reflection and identify triggers. And that’s when I realized that I’ve been mismanaging my relationship with the three Rs—rest, risk and regret. I’ll explain.
Imagine you’re on the beach in Kauai. Risk is the water that hits your feet when you walk along the hot sand. You feel it in between your toes, but not enough to make a splash in your life because you fear the unknown or sharks in the context of this metaphor. Regret lives in the part of the ocean that’s supposed to be the most fun. At first, it’s safe enough to swim, warm enough to bask in, and you can ride the waves if you’re lucky. But when the waves become too choppy, and the saltwater (or tears) burns your eyes, you want out. And then there’s rest. Rest is so far out in the ocean that it’s hard for you to recognize it. You know it exists somewhere, but the deep sea is scary, and you’re not ready to succumb.
That’s how I’ve been living my life for as long as I can remember. I took safe risks that would lead to the desired outcome. I was too afraid to take the risks that could change my life in a big way and make the butterflies in my stomach dance. The more I only dipped my toes in risk, the more I swam in regret. I spent many hours ruminating on past decisions, goals I didn’t accomplish and ideas I left behind. These thoughts led to self-deprecation talk, which isn’t the best thing for someone who struggles with sleep and lives with anxiety and depression. I was drowning in regret, despite having a great career.
I love what I do as a career development leader. I help people grow, discover their passions and pursue their dreams. As I continued to find success in my career, I refused to prioritize rest because my professional life provided me with the validation I needed. I told myself that if I slow down, so will the validation. It was an anxiety-inducing feeling, like going too far in the ocean. The further you are from the shore, it becomes increasingly difficult to come back. Taking a rest meant I would fall behind. That was the last thing I wanted.
In the early months of my leave, I quickly became uncomfortable whenever someone told me that my decision to step away from work was inspiring. If I’m being truthful, I didn’t make the decision. My body chose for me. I lost my autonomy to proactively make healthy life choices when the chest pains, sleepless nights, and declining mental health took over. It was too late for me to take the rest I should have taken six months earlier. It was no longer about what I wanted or thought I didn’t deserve. It was now about what my body needed. My body threw me in the middle of the ocean and told me to stay awhile, in a metaphoric kind of way. Today, I’m grateful that it did.
It’s been seven months since I went on a leave of absence, and my life is better. What’s different? By combining therapy, meditation and exercise with the supportive treatment plan laid out by my doctor, I’m changing how I manage the three Rs. It hasn’t been easy, but it feels right. Here’s how I prioritize rest, risk and regret now.
Rest
Rest is now on the shore. I want to keep rest close so I can access it as often as I need it. I deserve rest, and it only pushes me further toward my dreams. Not the other way around. If I dip my toes in rest weekly, I proactively engage in self-care and have the energy to swim.
Risk
I am officially swimming in risk, baby. In March, I returned to my job and quickly realized that my journey of self-rediscovery and self-care was far from over. I decided to leave my leadership position as a director to pursue entrepreneurship. I’ll be building my career engagement consulting practice, focusing on changing how employers develop and grow employees. I couldn’t be more excited to ride the waves. I promise to share updates along the way.
Regret
Regret is under the sea. There isn’t any space for it in my life and hopefully foreseeable future. I am not saying that I’ll never think about the past again. I am committed to reflection instead because it’s healthier. Reflection is sitting pretty on the beach because I can enjoy the view.
So, why am I writing about the three Rs? I am writing about the three Rs because they’ve profoundly impacted my life, for better and worse. I want everyone to think about their relationship with rest, risk and regret. Are you getting enough rest? Are you avoiding risk? Are you living in regret? By asking these questions and answering them honestly, I welcome new possibilities and opportunities into my life. Not only do I owe it to myself to shift my relationship with the three Rs, but I owe it to my body because she had my back when I didn’t. If she had not forced me to pay attention to the physical symptoms I was experiencing, I wouldn’t be writing this post. She deserves the world, and I promise to prioritize rest, take risks and engage in reflection as much as possible. I’ll see you on the beach.
this was beautifully written! thank you for your insight!
Great piece. You’ve inspired me to examine my life goals and reflect on how risk, rest and regret has impacted the realization of these goals. Thank you.